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Musings: The Fat Fear

You know how they say inspiration comes to you in the strangest places? Well, this one came to me whilst I was eating a HobKnob flapjack walking across the Asda car park.

Standard. Both the part where I'm eating and the part where I'm at Asda, 'cause this girl loves her trips to Asda. (I mean, they sell food there, and clothes, and shoes, and OMG I need to go to Asda RN.)

Side note - if you haven't tried a HobKnob flapjack, get your butt to the shops pronto and shove one in your gob, 'cause omg they are like little bars of heaven. But don't be lame and get the smaller, multi-pack version, get the big bad boy.

Anyway, as I was saying, this inspiration came to me whilst eating and walking to my car. Which, you may think is weird, but cest la vie.

Whilst mid-mouthful I realised that I was so hungry, and wanted this item of food so badly that I wasn't 'scared' about eating it in public. Because you see, I often do get scared doing things like that, because I'm always scared that people are judging me.

It's like I can read into their minds and see them saying: 'Look, the fat girl is eating again'.

Which is crazy, because I'm sure I've barely even registered on their radar, and I know everyone is too busy worrying about what everyone else is doing; but I still get that fear. So I usually just end up eating it alone in my car.

As I said, totally crazy and slightly ridiculous. But also, life.

It then occurred to me that I can't be the only person who feels like this? I can't be the only person who feels 'The Fat Fear', right?

So with that in mind, I've written a list (soz 'bout the world's longest intro eva) about the things that give me 'The Fat Fear':

- Wondering if you're going to fit into a chair before you sit down, because let's face it, not all chairs are made equal, and not all chairs accommodate those with a large derriair. 

- Then, if you do sit down, panicking that a) your thighs are hanging over the sides, along with your bum and b) the chair may break and collapse due to your weight, meaning you end up on the floor causing an almighty bang and potentiallly causing a small magnitude earthquake in the nearby area.

- Looking at a gap that is less than large and wondering if you'll be able to make it through or if the fire service are going to have to be called to set you free. 

- Constantly wondering if people are judging you because you're eating - no matter what you're eating... 'cause if you're eating a salad it's like 'HA, why bother' and if you're eating anything else it's all 'someone give that heffa a salad.'

- Feeling awkward ordering a diet drink because even though you genuinely just prefer the taste of a diet drink compared to a full sugar one, people will be judging you and thinking, 'babe, like that'll make a difference when you've ordered an extra side of fries'.

- Walking into a clothing shop and feeling like people are judging you for being in there, 'cause lol, you too fat for those clothes hun!

- Then looking at an item of clothing in said shop and wondering if you're going to fit in it, I mean it says size 16 but is that actual size 16 or skinny chick shop size 16 'cause IDK...

- Going on a team activity event where you know you'll have to wear protective overalls or something similar and praying that it will somehow magically do up and there'll be a size big enough for you.

- Wearing a pair of high heels and putting every last bit of hope left in the world into the fact that the heel won't snap under your weight (and that you don't look like a pregnant duck).

- When you end up being the centre of attention and hadn't prepared for it, I mean give a girl a chance to breathe in and put her Bridget Jones pants on for goodness sake.

- Wearing something 'trendy' or 'cool' and just wanting to shout to everyone that you know you're not a fashion blogger, and you don't look like the fashion bloggers, but you just wanted to wear this item of clothing god damnit.

- When you need to go clothes shopping and wondering if anything in there will actually a) fit b) cover up the necessary areas and c) actually look nice.

- When you get invited to do something and think of every excuse not to go 'cause you just feel too fat.

Please let me know if I'm just crazy, or if you feel the fat fear, and what I've missed out of this list. 


  1. OMG. This post is perfect. I always feel like people are watching me when I eat. When I was younger I wouldn't go into a restaurant if it was full in fear that people would be judging me. Everything on this list is something I think on a daily basis. Like for example, I went to Bridlington with my BF last week and we stopped for a drink at a mobile cafe and as soon as I saw the chairs (the cheap steel ones with the crossthread seat) I felt a surge of anxiety over whether a) I'd fit in it (which I just did) and b) whether it would hold my weight (which is managed to)'s so weird to think someone else thinks like me, so it's nice reading this and not feeling like an idiot when I do.

    Laura x |

    1. Aw, thank you so much! I'm so glad I'm not alone, but also sad that other people feel like this too.
      You're definitely not an idiot.

  2. Yup- agree with all of the above!! The chair thing a lot of the time, cinema seats would be the worst, not a problem now which is good, but always worried. was on a hen do at a spa and didn't think the dressing gown would fit much over me- it did but wouldn't have done at the start of my journey. Don't know if will ever loose those worries!! x

    1. Even when I lost most of my weight, these fears still lived inside my head.

      Hopefully we'll be able to shake them one day!

  3. The heel snapping on my shoe happened to me today! Mortified!