I'm going to start this blog post with an apology. It's one of those weird blog ideas I had and have just kind of rolled with it...
I was struggling to come up with a blog post that wouldn't bore you to death and wasn't another one where I'm all 'I can't find my mojo, I just want to eat all the food, life's so crap...' kind of blog posts.
So instead of just saying that, I thought I'd give you a little insight into my brain at the moment.
You're welcome.
6:00 am: No, no! It's far too early to get up
6:01 am: Just five more minutes, please.
6:02 am: I don't really need to work out today, what's the point anyway?
6:03 am: The point is you don't want to be a fat blob all of your life Laura.
6:04 am: fine!
6:05 am: What the eff has curled up into my mouth and died overnight?
6:06 am: *brushes teeth*
6:20 am: Right workout, let's do this.
6:22 am: I should've written my family a note telling them I love them #dying
6:25 am: HOW do they make this look so easy?
6:30 am: Honestly, eating biscuits is so much easier than this.
6:33 am: This is why I can never workout in a gym. I'd never be able to keep up without collapsing!
6:35 am: Just five minutes left. That's only two and a half minutes twice.
6.40 am: Oh thank the Lord that this is over.
6:41 am: That wasn't actually that bad really.
6:42 am: Maybe I could fit in another workout later and be the embodiment of health.
6:43 am: I mean, really, 20 minutes isn't that long.
6:44 am: I must brag on Instagram and Twitter that I've worked out so that I can feel all smug.
6:46 am: Have I updated my Fitbit so that it knows I worked out?
6:47 am: I'm hungry.
6:48 am: MOVE AWAY FROM THE BISCUITS.
*gets in shower*
6:53 am: Do I shave my armpits or wear long-sleeves today?
6:58 am: Oh moisturiser, you make my skin feel so darn soft.
7:01 am: *rummages in drawer for comfy pants*
7:03 am: Come on make-up! Transform me into a beauty queen.
7:06 am: Oh well, at least you tried.
7:08 am: *opens wardrobe* what am I able to squeeze into today?
7:09 am: *Looks longingly at clothes that are too small at the moment*
7:10 am: Right, that's it. I really need to try harder at getting back on the wagon today. This is just getting stupid at how much larger I'm getting.
7:11 am: What's the weather doing today? Is it dry enough for me to wear my Disney Vans?
7:13 am: How did I cope before dry shampoo?
7:15 am: TIME FOR BREAKFAST
7:16 am: Yay the mornings are light enough for me to get decent photos for Instagram.
7:18 am: Why are the biscuits calling to me from the cupboard? Maybe I should just have one?
7:19 am: NO LAURA!
7:20 am: Oh, but just one. To keep me going whilst breakfast is cooking.
7:21 am: No!
7:22 am: Come on Laura, game face on! You can do this.
7:25 am: Oh breakfast, come to mummma!
7:26 am: Time to catch up on the social media's.
7:48 am: Crap, where did the time go?
7:49 am: Do I really have to go to work today?
7:50 am: Boo to not being rich.
7:51 am: Oh thanks Mr Ice, now I'm going to be late. Knobhead.
7:52 am: Right, remember Laura, you're not going to eat any crap today. Today is YOUR day.
8:03 am: I really hope Mom buys Tiger Bread to go with dinner tonight!
8:07 am: Laura, you're such an idiot, how have you let your weight climb so high again.
8:10 am: That's it. As of right now you're getting back on plan again.
8:12 am: Remember what Paul McKenna says, 'food has always been there. Food will always be there.'
8:16 am: What's the point? I just want a bar of Galaxy.
8:17 am: Get a grip Laura.
8:20 am: Right, come on. You can do this. Think of all the clothes you want to wear.
8:21 am: Summer bodies are made in the winter.
8:30 am - 1:00pm: Work/Can I eat yet/Work/Ignore the biscuits/Work/ Oh no, doughnuts/ Work/No, you don't need to go to the vending machine/Work/ Is it lunch yet?/Work/ Oh god the smell of those biscuits/Work/ YAY IT'S LUNCH TIME.
1:01 pm: Please don't let anyone be using the microwave.
1:10 pm: How have I eaten all my lunch so quickly?
1:11 pm: Bye lunch, miss you.
1:12 pm: I'm still hungry.
1:13 pm: Maybe today's the day I go and get some Peanut Butter Cups from the vending machine.
1:14 pm: No Laura, you've just eaten a huge lunch, drink some water and get over it.
1:20 pm: Why am I still so hungry?
1:21 pm: No seriously, why am I still hungry?
1:23 pm: Oh that person's lunch on Instagram looks much better than mine.
1:24 pm: I could eat that right now.
1:25 pm: If I eat the rest of my fruit now, what will I have to snack on later?
1:26 pm: Come on Laura, you've remained strong so far. Don't ruin it now.
1:27 pm: Maybe I'll just eat an orange.
1:42 pm: Should I get a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup from the vending machine...
1:43 pm: NO LAURA. Eat your orange instead.
1:45 pm: REESE'S, Reese's, Reeeeeeseeeesss
1:47 pm: GET A GRIP WOMAN
1:59 pm: Where did that hour go?
2:00 pm - 5:30 pm: Work/Ooo someone has brought in chocolate/Ignore the chocolate Laura/Work/Is it home time yet?/ Work/ I just want to eat the chocolate/ If I eat my fruit now will I regret it later?/Work/We've got biscuits at home/Work/Yay home time.
5:34 pm: I wonder how many biscuits I can eat at home with no-one noticing.
5:35 pm: No Laura, you've had a good day so far, don't ruin it.
6:03 pm: I'll just have one biscuit.
6:04 pm: Oh sweet biscuity heaven.
6:05 pm: Maybe just one more.
6:07 pm: My drink has washed away the glorious taste of the biscuit. Oh well, I'll just have another.
6:10 pm: I really hate having to wash everything up and get my lunch prepped for tomorrow.
6:11 pm: What's the point anyway? I'm just going to be a fat blob for the rest of my life anyway.
6:14 pm: If I hide the wrappers it's like I never ate it anyway, right?
*continues to eat crap for the rest of the evening*
8:02 pm: I feel so fat and bloated.
8:03 pm: What is wrong with me.
*eats another biscuit*
8:04 pm: I'm never going to get back to where I was before.
*starts to get tearful*
8:07 pm: It's just not fair. Other people can eat whatever they want and have amazing bodies.
8:08 pm: Damn my stupid metabolism. It's just not fair.
8:15 pm: Right, that's it, tomorrow I'm doing it. No more crap.
9:00 pm: *Goes to sleep and dreams of being slim*
Wakes up and repeat it all again the next day.
